View Full Version : Audiophile Humor

02-01-2011, 04:50 PM
Ας γελάσουμε λίγο με τους εαυτούς μας...

Audiophile (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiophile)
1) One who listens to the stereo rather than the music.
2) A lover of sound.
As most people are music lovers, the term audiophile points to people who love high end audio equipment
and can distinguish between good and bad speakers, which cables to use, what bitrate an mp3 file is... etc etc etc.
Audiophiles usually argue to death as to which setup is best:
- These monitors sound muddy as hell!!!
- What? How can you tell, sir? I hear nothing wrong!
- 'Cuz i'm an audiophile, you filthy monkey!!!
3) One who enjoys sex acts involving the ear.
After they stopped kissing, Jenny felt something touch her ear.
She sighed. Why did she always end up with audiophiles?
4) One who is obsessive about audio quality.
This includes audio formats, audio equipment, ripping processes/programs (EAC).
Audiophiles have "trained" ears and they are able to distinguish differences between good and bad music quality encoding/components through blind testing.
Person: Hey, will you load this CD on to my computer for me while I go grab something to eat?
Audiophile: Sure. Do you want it compressed or lossless?
Person: What?
Audiophile: What format do you want? ALAC, AIFF, VBR, CBR, AAC, OGG, WMA, WAV?
Person: Uhhh...
Audiophile: I'll just go ahead and rip it to FLAC level 8. You convert it with dBpoweramp to whatever you want later.
Person: ...kay...
5) One who's priorities to enjoying music go beyond the norm, occasionaly.
Like selling a car to buy a turntable...
6) A person who tells a story so execrable that you feel like your ear has been violated.
Dude, that story sucked balls! Quit being an audiophile!!!
7) One who thinks the next purchase will make a big difference.
That audiophile bought another $$$$ cable!!!

Audiorgy (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiorgy)
Getting off, on or aroused by audio equipment.
I saw that massive stack and had an audiorgy!!!

Audiopile (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiopile)
A collection of outdated audio components not good enough to employ and not bad enough to discard.
Man, your audiopile is to die for!

Audiophool (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiophool)
A person spending mass amounts of cash on ridiculous audio components and accessories.
I just bought a set of $5,000 isolated marble cable-elevators to keep my $12,000 oxygen-free silver audio cables from touching the floor and picking up vibrations.
What do you mean I'm an audiophool?

Audiophilism (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiophilism)
The philosophy of extracting all possible sonic and acoustical capabilities out of hifi stereos, or home theater equipment into that of a more correct representation that mimics the original audio recording.

Audiophiliosis (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiophiliosis)
A disease of the mind resulting in one believing that the only good audio system is one that costs over $20,000 and that stray magnetic fields in components through the audio path will distort the purity of the audio image righteously placed with loving care by holy Audio Engineers in the studio for your listening pleasure.
My friend paid $175 for the stone on his amplifier that's supposed to clear up magnetic flux and improve sonic purity...
It just looks like a rock and I can't hear any difference when we listen to Megadeth!
That dude has serious audiophiliosis!

Audiophiliac (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Audiophiliac)
The name often given to severe audio enthusiasts.
Made famous by Robert Bisek for the wide spectrum of audio he could hear.
… he could accurately discern analog from digital audio signals…

Audiophilia Nervosa (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiophilia%20nervosa)
The anxiety from never-ending quest to obtain the ultimate performance from a stereo system by means of employing state-of-the-art components, cables, and the use of certain "tweaks".
Although the goal is supposedly to achieve maximum appreciation of the music,
those afflicted with this condition are merely obsesed with their electronics.
Todd spent over $100,000 in speakers, amplifiers, cables, Shakti stones and other equipment and tweaks.
Yet, he still wasn't convinced that Diana Krall's voice sounded "silky" enough.
He was in deep denial concerning his audiophilia nervosa and his wife was on the verge of calling a divorce lawyer.

Audiotroll (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiotroll)
Noun: One who does an activity that exhibits noise as loud as possible in order to piss the people around them off, usually such as listen to music loudly.
Verb: To do an activity that exhibits noise as loud as possible in order to piss the surrounding people off.
My neighbor is such an audiotroll…
He blasts Green Day in the middle of the night even though he hates them...

Audiophilability (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiophilability)
The audiophile's ability to distinguish the good from the bad, the 50 cent from the Ice Cube, the Sony Xplod from the Audison Theses of the acoustic world.
Audiophilability can be increased by talking in such a way that suggests, like many academics, they actually know very little about their subject matter.
One can purchase more audiophilability by selling just about everything he owns to buy the next amp with a special electron coating that allows to really feel the music...

Audiolize (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audiolize)
To imagine what something sounds like in your head.
He explained the womans terrible laugh to me and I tried to audiolize what it sounded like.

Audioholic (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=audioholi)
A person fixated on good home theater sound in a practical sense, without regard to snake oil (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snake%20oil) products or marketing gimmicks infused with pseudo-science.
Audioholics are aware of, and value, measurements when evaluating gear, though ultimately purchasing decisions are made with the ears.
They differ from audiophiles in that they enjoy multi-channel surround sound and are less susceptible to ultra expensive components that "command" respect solely based on price and prestige (or a psychological desire to justify your lavish audio expenditures).
He would never buy speakers cables at $5000/pair!!! He's a dedicated audioholic who knows better!!!

02-15-2011, 09:49 PM
(How to meet non-audiophiles and survive)

We all know which is the most important thing in life: Listening to our HiFi system.

We all know which is the main scope of our houses: To be a (good sounding) environment to install our HiFi system.

We all know which is the main destination for our incomes: Purchasing better and better HiFi gear.

We all agree on the fundamentals facts in life: Having a wide frequency response and getting a realistic virtual image (whatever that means).

It's a sad fact of life that not everyone is an audiophile and I regret to admit that so many people out there don't even know how to switch on (properly) a stereo system.

It is quite surprising to discover how many non-audiophiles are out there.
You meet them several times a day and you don't even notice them because... they're not interesting, of course!
You might have noticed they have nothing interesting to say, most of the times.

This kind of people (non-audiophiles) can be ignored or avoided, while you go home to enjoy your system.
But there are situations you can't avoid them!
Like a birthday party or a social dinner: you are simply forced to communicate with them!
Considering how many non-audiophiles you may encounter it is easy to get out-numbered and be considered a minority!

Non-audiophiles can't be avoided, no matter how hard we try.
All we can do is minimize contacts so that we can save time and devote ourselves to what really matters.
HiFi! What else?

The following guide contains 8 easy-to-follow golden rules on how to behave in these situations, and how to communicate with a non-audiophile and manage to survive!

02-15-2011, 09:58 PM
1) Try to understand their weird point of view
Non-audiophiles can't understand that listening to a good HiFi is the only thing one should do anywhere, anytime.

Their obscured minds believe (hear hear!) there are things like friends, society, work and even... family (!!!) that are of paramount importance when compared with what they simply call "music listening".

Hard to believe, I know, but that's the way they live their useless lives.

For this reason, if someone asks you which are the most relevant things in life try answering:
family, friends, a good job, good health or any other nonsense of this kind.
Don't even try to tell them the truth, cause it will take endless hours to go away and go back to your relieving HiFi system.

2) Use real life methaphors
Non-audiophiles aren't prepared to understand how your life is devoted to formal perfection (in frequency, pace and rhythm).
For this reason, you should learn to translate your feelings using phrases taken from "real world", so they can understand. Some examples:

-- Instead of trying to describe the feeling you get while listening to your system with that new mains cable (based on the Higgs' boson and discovered by an audiophile cable Company years before the CERN LHC experiments!), the extremely dark and silent background paired with a 3D scene that literally surrounds you...
Try saying: Have you ever tried to walk in the woods when the Sun is fading down, when it's light can be barely seen among the trees and an extraterrestrial silence seems to surround you?
Well, my mains cable does all that without having my shoes covered with mud and my neck bitten by mosquitoes.

-- Instead of trying to describe the joy of staying up late, trying to adjust the VTA of your turntable, the sweet sensation of feeling yourself as a part of a whole when the naked cartridge hits the first groove, after 7 hours of trials and errors...
Try this methaphor: Do you remember the feeling you get while waiting the dawn on the seaside?
It's exactly like that, without the need to get a cold and having to explain to your wife where did you spend the whole night.

-- Instead of trying to explain the second mortgage to buy a new mains filter with unobtanium-in-oil audiophile caps...
Try this way: Have you ever played the lotto? More or less it is the same thing.
Only difference is you don't know which is the final prize.

02-15-2011, 10:02 PM
3) Pretend to find their lives interesting!
This is certainly going to surprise you but non-audiophiles think they're special, they think they have something interesting to say!
It might be one of their hobbies or their successful carreer or even the joys of having a family (hear hear!).
This is, of course, absolutely 100% pure nonsense, but it would be better to show some interest in what they say.
To make your behavior more realistic, think of the first time you reversed the polarity of your mains, discovering an entirely new dimension in your life, and, from time to time, smile and say "Aaaaah, yes, absolutely!", "Wow, that's amazing!" or even "I couldn't agree more".

Caveat emptor!
It is possible and extremely dangerous that a non-audiophile says something on which you strongly disagree.
Avoid, repeat after me, AVOID any kind of discussion with a non-audiophile!!!
God only knows where such a discussion might lead or how it may end.
Do not forget to be KIND, BRIEF and, possibly, evanescent.

4) Pretend their opinion on useless HiFi is absolutely true
Those damned non-audiophiles believe, most of the times, that HiFi is a completely useless hobby (err, sorry, way of life, hobby is not correct by all means, I know).

They think that, in order to listen to some music, an ipod-clone and a pair of cheap headphones is all you need.
Alternatively, you can listen to music by means of your TV set.

Once they discover you're an audiophile they can become extremely aggressive and, hence, socially dangerous.
Most of the times they'll say something like "HiFi is for idiots! A toy for losers!".

It might be difficult, but try to avoid replying there are scientific methods to prove "differences" between HiFi components (especially cables!!! Double-blind and even triple-deaf tests are there to prove it!).

You should just try to agree saying something like "I can't agree more, HiFi is a plague". Your "friend" will think he proved his theory and you'll be home and safe.

02-15-2011, 10:08 PM
5) Never say how much your HiFi system cost!
Almost nobody -except audiophiles- can understand the level of perfection a good HiFi system might reach.
If you unveil the price you paid for those high-end boron-moron connectors you're going to be in trouble, mate.

Looking for a solution???
Lie! Lie! Lie!
Just tell them you paid $199 for the entire system, ignoring the number of zeros you actually wrote down the last time.
$199 is a sum that has been scientifically proved to be adequate for a stereo set.
If a non-audiophile decides to buy a stereo system (for example to fill an empty shelf) $199 is the exact sum he is willing to spend.
Nothing more and nothing less than that.

6) With female non-audiophiles just talk about shoes
Social events are strangely crowded with women, the non-audiophiles human beings par excellance!

Though your ego suggests you tell them how insanely powerful your power supply is, how long your new tonearm is or how hot can your vacuum tubes become
I suggest to avoid, I say, avoid talking about high fidelity.

First of all, with certain women "high fidelity" is a pure oxymoron, secondly you might be instantaneously classified as "loser", "nerd", "geek" or whatever that may fit.

Be smart! Ask them about their shoes, where did they buy them, which price they paid etc.
Then refer to an (imaginary) pair of shoes you saw during your last visit to Via Monte Napoleone (in Milan) or Via Condotti (in Rome).
Cite Venice at your earliest convenience, as this always guarantees a certain kind of effect.

Mentioning PRaT might lead to embarassing misunderstandings.

If you are smart you may end up experiencing some amusing intermezzo between the two sides of your favourite audiophile pressing.

02-15-2011, 10:13 PM
7) Avoid audiophile-oriented gifts
When invited to a party, it is quite common you have to buy a gift for your host.
Avoid purchasing 400 grams audiophile LPs!!! Two things might happen:
Either the LP gets instantaneously played on a super-compact all-in-one turntable with USB port (and a cartridge loaded with 10 grams of brute tracking force)
and/or you'll be instantaneously declared socially out-fashioned.
Nobody will ever invite you to a party again. You'll be the one to blame... (which is good! At least you can stay home to listen to your HiFi set once more).

8) Judge favorably any "music" system they dare to propose you
This occurrence might be rare, but for this reason it is one of the most thrilling ones.
Some non-audiophile, knowning you are "one of us", might invite you to listen to his HT or his car-stereo.

Though your ears might bleed while the guy cranks up the volume just turn your disgust into a smile and comment using catch phrases casually taken from HiFi magazines. Here are a few examples:

"The tonal balance appears to be mostly correct, though I do find it a bit euphonic, don't you?"
or: "Wow! This system, in terms of microdynamics, outperforms components costing 10 times more!"
or even: "The perception of the silence between notes and players is outstanding! I think the mains cable you are using plays a significant role here".

Your host will be happy and, hopefully, will switch off his torture-machine.

Don't be afraid to exaggerate! Always bear in mind the golden rule: The higher the praise, the shorter the torture.

Πλήρες (http://www.tnt-audio.com/topics/audiophile_rules.html)

02-18-2011, 09:47 PM
Είπα να βάλω για icon σ'αυτό το μήνυμα το κόκκινο θαυμαστικό του κινδύνου, αλλά μετά είδα αυτό με το... δάκτυλο και πιστεύω ταιριάζει καλύτερα... :o
Το γιατί είναι... ευνόητο... :p

Dactyloadapter Plug (http://www.artlebedev.com/everything/vilcus/)

02-19-2011, 01:23 AM
Πολύ αποτελεσματικό! :) :) :)
Λάβε δε υπόψιν σου ότι με αυτό τον τρόπο έχεις σίγουρα αποτελέσματα! Δεν θα λειτουργήσει και το ρελέ διαφυγής!

02-23-2011, 09:10 AM
Γιατί λείπουν τα μανταλάκια από τις τιράντες??? :p



Πλήρες (http://cybwiz.blogspot.com/2010/08/solid-core-audio-speaker-cable.html)

02-23-2011, 09:22 AM
(Μακάβριο θέμα & θέαμα - Μαύρο Χιούμορ!!!) :p

Για σκληροπυρηνικούς λάτρεις του αναλογικού... :o
R.I.V. (http://www.andvinyly.com/)

02-25-2011, 09:04 AM

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8xPpP0I7niQ/S8ERo3C6jKI/AAAAAAAABT8/c96GIO8EVqY/S230/15836_1067592586804_1735747203_127614_3959653_n.jp g


02-27-2011, 11:29 AM



02-27-2011, 11:33 AM

03-01-2011, 08:29 AM

Mikro Brilliant Pebbles for tuning the room and audio system...
Based on special physical properties of highly symmetrical crystal structures...

Brilliant Pebbles addresses specific resonance control and RFI/EMI absorption problems
associated with audio electronics, speakers and cables,
as well as acoustic wave problems associated with the listening room boundaries...

The original glass bottles for Brilliant Pebbles have been replaced by clear zip lock bags,
which have a more linear response than glass...


More info and prices (http://www.machinadynamica.com/machina31.htm)

White Paper (http://www.machinadynamica.com/machina17.htm) :p

Βρε, λέτε να...??? :eek:

03-03-2011, 08:04 AM
Οι 10 λέξεις που (πρέπει να) απωθούν τον κάθε (σωστό) Χαηεντά... :p

1. Home Theater
2. Surround Sound
3. Dolby
4. Headphones
5. Compression
6. Quadraphonic
7. MP3
8. Jitter
9. Distortion
10. DVD-A

Συμπληρώστε (http://www.audiophilia.com/wp/?p=3808) τις δικές σας... :o

03-03-2011, 10:22 AM
Οι 10 λέξεις που (πρέπει να) απωθούν τον κάθε (σωστό) Χαηεντά... :p

1. Home Theater
2. Surround Sound
3. Dolby
4. Headphones
5. Compression
6. Quadraphonic
7. MP3
8. Jitter
9. Distortion
10. DVD-A

Συμπληρώστε (http://www.audiophilia.com/wp/?p=3808) τις δικές σας... :o


Ανπχιούρ ρε παιδί μου.... :eek:

03-06-2011, 02:46 PM

03-07-2011, 02:37 PM
Actually, I do have bananas. A whole bunch of them, in fact.
Not the edible variety, but rather banana plugs...

(Quick: What's the difference between wire and cable? Wire is cheap, cables are expensive).

Το κείμενο (http://www.ultimateavmag.com/content/yes-we-have-no-bananas) είναι μεγάλο και με φοβερό χιούμορ!!!

03-08-2011, 11:56 PM

Πως λέμε... γλώσσεψε η μπέρδα μου... :p

03-09-2011, 08:04 PM

03-09-2011, 08:13 PM

Μιλάμε για -πραγματικά- αναλογικό ήχο! :rolleyes:


03-13-2011, 03:09 PM
Υδροκίνητο ραδιόφωνο
Λειτουργεί με… τρεχούμενο νερό ντους

10-ΜΑΡ-2011 -Πλήρες (http://portal.kathimerini.gr/4dcgi/_w_articles_kathciv_1_10/03/2011_382226)- Οσοι απολαμβάνουν να ακούνε μουσική την ώρα που κάνουν ντους θα χαρούν με την είδηση για τη δημιουργία ενός νέου "υδροκίνητου" ραδιοφώνου FM.

Η συσκευή, που προσαρτάται στη βρύση της μπανιέρας, τροφοδοτείται με ενέργεια από την κίνηση του νερού, το οποίο κυλάει μέσω μιας μικρο-τουρμπίνας, η οποία, με τη σειρά της, κινεί μια μικρή γεννήτρια, που δίνει ρεύμα στο ραδιόφωνο.

Το ραδιόφωνο, με την χαρακτηριστική ονομασία H2O, που είναι ο χημικός τύπος του νερού, δημιουργήθηκε από την εταιρία Tango Group, σύμφωνα με το BBC.

Η ίδια ερευνητική ομάδα έχει κατασκευάσει ένα ραδιόφωνο που δούλευε με τον άνεμο, το οποίο έχει αποδειχτεί μεγάλη εμπορική επιτυχία στις χώρες της Αφρικής, όπου το κόστος του ηλεκτρικού ρεύματος ή των μπαταριών είναι υψηλό για πολλούς κατοίκους.

03-16-2011, 07:03 PM
Can You Hear What I Hear???

How's that???



03-17-2011, 12:14 PM
Stereolizer!!! :p ;)


03-19-2011, 09:30 AM
Υπάρχουν και... θηλυκοί... προτζέκτορες??? :o
Μμμμ... Και με... έξτρα λειτουργίες... :cool:


04-10-2011, 07:59 AM
Και οι τρεις Μάγοι με τα δώρα (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_a6wWXqkQugo/S32Xk9pdgxI/AAAAAAAAATw/zIP7ikYAYdc/S660/Untitled-1+copy.jpg)... ;)

04-15-2011, 09:11 AM
What kind of audiophile are you?

Jan 2009, Source (http://radio.blumlein.net/2009/01/what-kind-of-audiophile-are-you.html)
Fetishist: Do you buy only 24k gold CD's and use the most esoteric of digital interconnects?
Assuming you employ a jitter-immune DAC the digital source/medium & connecting cables are of no importance.
Please test double-blind if in doubt.

Freak: Do you believe that vinyl records sound better than digitally encoded music converted back into the analog domain?
Assuming a high-quality, very accurately clocked ADC is used and the high-quality, accurately clocked DAC employed is jitter-immune, an exact digital "copy" of an analog source, fed to the same amplifier stage, is indistiguishable from the analog source.
Please test double-blind if in doubt.

Geek: Do you feel that the technical specs of gear are all that counts?
The well tuned ear is the ultimate judge.
Technical specs are obviously also very important, but, besides recommendations from people (with ears) you trust they should primarily help deciding what gear to audition.

Touch & Feel: Do you believe in "you get what you pay for" beyond what most people -or even audio professionals- would consider a reasonable price, enjoy the look & feel of extra heavy gear with a thick metal frontplate, wooden sidepieces and custom made knobs?
It is true that good sounding gear takes a lot of R&D, which must be payed for, and that high quality components don't come cheap, but, as a music enthusiast, please use the resolution of what your own ears can discern as the landmark and give the money you save to a charity.

Sonophile: Do you love to listen? Do you enjoy the vibe of a live performance, the sound of a "real" space, the incredible span of real-life dynamics, the tinyest details that may still be discerned?
A true sonophile is in love with things that can be enjoyed when listening to, no matter which genre.
Great musicians, performing extraordinarily well in a nice sounding space, recorded optimally and presented (mixed and mastered) in the best possibly way, retaining the excitement of "being in the moment".

04-16-2011, 09:18 PM

04-19-2011, 02:49 PM
The TapeWriter: RIAA vomit inducing, incompitent copyright holder slaying wonder device

Whew! What a mouthful. If you love all things analog and digital, the TapeWriter is your gadget.
Even though tapes are cool and hold a nostalgiac value to them, mp3 files are much easier to carry around, not to mention exponentially smaller.

Thankfully, the TapeWrite makes your life easier and simpler by allowing easy "burning" of your old cassette tapes to mp3 files.
The ease of use is made even easier by the fact that no drivers or extra software is needed.
Backup your legally purchased content without fear of prosecution. While copyright holders and RIAA like companies may cry foul, simply turn your back, walk away, and continue your backup process.
When they start paying taxes on your purchases, maybe then they can have a word. Until then, eat it!

If you’ve got quite the collection of old plastic laying around, why not spend the $199.99 needed and turn it into ever lasting memories.



June 16, 2009, Source (http://gadgetsteria.com/2009/06/16/the-tapewriter-riaa-vomit-inducing-incompitent-copyright-holder-slaying-wonder-device/)

04-19-2011, 02:54 PM
Party like it's 1985 with the Cassette Tape Tote Bag!

Humans it seems, have a need to collect stuff.
Whether it be gadgets or some other less entertaining thing, transporting all of this junk is a chore.
Why look dumb and out of style when you can be cool and retro?

If you have a love for all things analog and have a nice pile of junk that needs toting, the Cassette Tape Tote Bag is here to lend a helping hand pouch.
Go ahead and splurge a little. The Cassette Tape Tote Bag will be the center of conversation when it makes the more mature remember their younger years when mp3 players and netbooks were but a science fiction novelty.
$11.99 is the price of admission.


May 27, 2009, Source (http://gadgetsteria.com/2009/05/27/party-like-its-1985-with-the-cassette-tape-tote-bag/)

04-20-2011, 08:40 AM
Χαχαχαχαχά... Ολόφρεσκια μουσική...!!! :rolleyes:
(Σιγά και μη το άφηνα... :o )


Jessi Monroe Got Legs
But who cares about speakers and turntables? Say hello to Miss Jessi Monroe!

When I visited Tom Myers's WS Distributing room he had mentioned
Jessi was supposed to be performing a few of her songs,
but she "ran out to buy some records and never came back". My kinda girl.

Just as I was about to leave the room, Jessi walked in… and I sat back down.

She played a few riffs and the sound was somewhat tentative and perhaps touched by sadness,
but long-legged and lovely, with blue-green eyes, long eyelashes, and exceptionally red lips.

Stephen Mejias, Apr 19, 2011, Source (http://www.stereophile.com/content/jessi-monroe-shes-got-legs)

04-20-2011, 07:33 PM

Here we see John Atkinson giving a karate chop to the problem of inaccurately stated voltage sensitivities.

Source: JA on Voltage Sensitivity (http://www.stereophile.com/content/ja-voltage-sensitivity)